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21 February 2016 / Club News

A Wet & Windy day at Old Tylerians

Finally after what felt like an eternity Malpas finally played a game of rugby which produced an I wàs there moment which will be talked about in years to come in pubs all over the country.

Malpas travelled to the land that time forgot to play league rivals Old Tylerians. And with the weather getting worse by the minute today's match wasn't going to be one for running rugby.

From the kick off Malpas settled into the match very quickly and despite the wind and the rain played some decent rugby and we're in control of the match from the off. With the forwards taking control and putting the home side's scrum under pressure a skewed kick by the home sides outside half was scooped up by fullback Shawn Enos who then popped the ball to our natural curly haired flanker, And then it happened the moment that is up there with Scott Gibbs try against England and Gareth Edwards try for the Barbarians, Jarman popped the ball to youth team 2nd row Terry Powell who ran to the try line as fast a Coxy runs to the back door on a night out a flopped over the try line and dropped the ball but the ref gave the try anyway. Conversion missed by Ryan ‘I want a new kicking tee’ Bradford.

From the kick off Malpas Fatboy sorry bodybuilder James Johnson charged up and over a couple of Old T’s players and after a couple of pick and go’s Mr pre match strapping himself Kieran Williams went over for the game's second try, conversion missed by Ryan Bradford (I should ask for my money back for the kicking tee)

With the rain getting heavier and the pitch and the forwards starting to resemble a group of hippo's at a mud hole the game seemed to be played on the halfway line for the rest of the first half.

A stolen line out by Malpas resulted in the ball moving elegantly along the back line resulting in Kieran Williams going over for his second try, I'll let you guess what happened with the conversion.

Half time came, team fed and watered substitutions made and the match resumed…

With the wind at their backs Malpas played most of the second half in the Old T’s half and after a period of pressure the home side's defence was broken and the wokney himself Sam Jarman went over for the bonus point try. Conversion well um do you really care.

The match then decended into home side attack spill the ball scrum Malpas attack spill the ball scrum. Then just to mix things up scrum half Lewis Bowden broke down the blind and went over in the corner. Conversion %#%&#

Then to add to his day of misery Bradford was replaced by the world's fattest scrum half James ‘shite tattoo's’ Powell.

The games final try came off a set backs move with the laziest person on the planet the redneck himself Lewis Gould going over the line. Lewis then pretended to have cramp but was actually retrieving a celebratory chicken leg from inside his sock. Conversion… of course it was converted Bowden kicked it.

Final score
Old Tylerians 0 Malpas 32

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